An Amazing Movie Script
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The setting is 1940 in Okinawa and a 26 year old Setsuko(temporary name for now), who just moved there from very rural Tokunoshima, watches pairs of Mitsubishi A6M's flying above the grocery store that she works at. They're flying quite slowly but seem so majestic to her. Four bicycles ridden by teen boys race past her, interrupting her gaze of the skies, causing her to drop store products, which in turn causes the store owner to scold her(obviously not the first time). Setsuko isn't considered attractive in Japanese standards of the time. She isn't terrible to look at but her plainness often renders her invisible to the opposite sex. The boys she grew up with on Tokunoshima either treated her like one of the boys, or were related to her. At 26, Setsuko is beyond the marrying age, according to her parents and her surrounding society so Setsuko, by now, has developed a very strong, independent mindset and the ability to set her mind to any endeavor and commit to it wholeheartedly. Little does she know what all of this will lead to.
The setting is 1940 in a hospital in North Carolina. 34 year old Robert(temporary name for now) is outside the delivery room as his wife is screaming just a few feet beyond the white door he's standing at. A nurse comes out and asks him to sit down but he refuses. His wife's screams suddenly stop and everything is silent for a moment before he hears multiple voices begin to shout over each other in the delivery room. Robert is overwhelmed with fear for his wife and his newborn and pushes his way into the delivery room. The doctor shouts "Get him out! Get him out!" Robert is too strong for the 3 female nurses though, and he forces his way toward his wife's lifeless body on the bed. Tears pour down his cheeks as he repeats in a high pitched, almost whimper, "No. no. no. no. no. no." The doctor says, "Mr. Johnson, you have to leave the room now. We are doing our best to save your child." Robert slowly backs toward the door, shaking his head, visibly shattered. He exits the room and with the wall supporting all of his upper body weight, slumps, with both legs awkwardly folding to his right side, down to the well polished, white hospital floor. Robert sobs from the bottom of his lungs, the sound echoes throughout the hospital's hallways. Robert's wife dies but the doctors manage to save his child...It's a baby girl.
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This is a true story, by the way. What happens to these two people as this story progresses is one of the most amazing stories I have ever heard. I want to make it into a screenplay. Next time we're gaming, I'll fill you in on the rest of the story. Oh, and to top it off, I have access to first-hand witnesses to this story.
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There is a scene in which Robert will refocus his emotional state while with his parents and siblings as this plays on the family radio.
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Looks awesome! Yeah, I'd really like to hear the whole story. Though, it looks like you're writing as a story, and not as a screenplay.
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Originally Posted by Cody>
Though, it looks like you're writing as a story, and not as a screenplay.Yes. Writing as a story is something I'm fairly decent at. Writing screenplays not so much, which is why I'm dragging Richard into this! LOL.
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Originally Posted by Richard >
Do you have it mapped out in terms of scenes and structure? What's your pitch? It would be good if you could summarise it in one or two sentences, give us a feel of the whole thing.Oh man, I don't even know where to start! The true story as it actually happened is so chock full of drama, emotion and human triumph as is, it's difficult to summarize in just a few sentences but here goes...
How a world war brought two human beings, from opposite sides of that war, together who didn't know how much they needed each other. It's a story of two people overcoming pain, personal loss and hopelessness amid cultural, political, linguistical and familial pressures.
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Originally Posted by Richard >
Do you have it mapped out in terms of scenes and structure? What's your pitch?Not yet. That's where you come in. I could probably lay out the whole story using index cards on the floor or pin them on a cork wall. But it might be good to collaborate with you on how best to structure them within the 4 acts.
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Have you ever looked into this, Richard?
https://www.scriptrevolution.com/guide/turn-and-burn -
Well, I've written 7 pages of JUST the outline. I'll be talking to the niece of the protagonist this Thursday to iron out some details and put as much as possible onto a timeline. But for now, I have my opening scene and a theme for the main character...
Based on a True Story
_Opening Scene:
_1952
_North Carolina
_(Credits start)A panoramic shot of a rural North Carolina road from above as a dark green, somewhat weather-worn 1939 Plymouth model pickup truck slowly drives into focus, its bed full of home belongings such as tables, chairs, an ironing board, wood boxes and the like, tightly held in place by a crisscrossed rope. The truck is heading west, at a steady speed, maybe 45 mph or so. Another camera angle shows the truck a little closer and centered but not close enough to see the faces of the driver and passenger clearly.
As varying camera angles follow the traveling truck, a Japanese woman’s somber, resigned voice is heard as if speaking to herself. “この世界に…私の居場所はない.” [translation: “This world…has no place for me.”] (credits end).
The truck crosses the state line into Tennessee and fades into the distance.
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I've been AWOL from all the threads, but cheers for the Turn and Burn link. Working through it, looks good.
Btw, I don't have a lot of experience so can't give any hard and fast advice. Read some stuff about method, but can't remember it all lol. But I will help in any way I can, and I love hearing ideas and playing with them. Bring it on
One thing I thought, which is also good practice; try rewriting that opening scene in as few words as possible while still retaining everything you want it to illustrate/describe. And then try doing the same thing with the outline. Maybe seven pages is a bit long for an outline.
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