https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSb7myd6J90
Taking Children Seriously something I've been taking very seriously for the last 2-3 years since I discovered it.
Not that long ago, and in some places today, it was perfectly normal, even logical, to discriminate on sex or the marital status of women. Not that long ago interracial marriages were not only frowned upon, but illegal. Not that long ago slavery was legal. Even after it was made illegal, discrimination persisted for a long time. But, whereas most people treat adults as sovereign individuals regardless of gender or race, almost no one treats children with the same respect.
We will look back on the way most of Western society treats children today like we do bloodletting by leeches at barber shops until the late 1800s.
In practice it's actually very difficult to "take children seriously." There are social and cultural norms that are adhered to and when you suddenly don't abide by the rules that can really, literally, scare people around you. Not only that, but there are laws in place that prevent children from being taken seriously in some contexts (namely education, e.g. Truancy). In my personal life I struggle to get people to take Isamu seriously daily, I find these adult->child domination/power behaviors very hard to avoid. But, I hope that there will be some cultural event in the near future where most people come together to try and incrementally change the way we treat children as a society.
There's a lot of content here at the two links at the top, the video and the landing page by Sarah Fitz-Claridge, but I think it boils down to this:
How is it any less immoral to control children that it was to control women? To control black people? To control any group we now treat as deserving equal respect?
And this point in particular from the bullet list on Fallible Ideas:
Ignorance isn’t stupidity.
Ignorance (/intelligence) refers to what is known. Stupid (/smartness) refers to what could be known.
There is an infinite amount of things that can be known in the universe, so relying on a measure of what IS known (say an IQ test) instead of what an individual is capable of knowing is irrational.
We are all equally smart (what we are capable of knowing), and infinitely ignorant (what we know will always be a small part of what is capable of being known).
I try to keep that in mind with every frustrating interaction with adults AND with children, particularly the one that I am responsible for. As Popper says, "I may be wrong and you may be right, and by an effort, we may get nearer to the truth."
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So, that's the primary post. But I also wanted to start a subthread here about the example 'Truancy' that I have listed about. I think it is irrational to force children to go to school. BUT, it does solve a problem of me wanting to help people at my job and not being able to. At least that's how I describe it. When I have to go to work and Isamu doesn't want me to, and a part of me also doesn't want to, I explain it like this:
I want to stay here too, BUT I have made a commitment/promise to help Jiji and the others at the office. I help people, and then I get money and we can use that money to cause our lives to be more comfortable.
But it's also about problem solving creatively. Trying to come up with new options that solve both our problems (A. he wants to be with me, or B. he doesn't want to go to school).
I have taken Isamu to work on quite a few occasions, letting him take the school day off, and working together with Junko to not force distress upon him against his will. He has learned that he doesn't like the office, and is frankly a little scared of Junko's dad, lol. So, that has gone a long way towards letting other take care of him while Junko and I get things done quickly. (Subtext being that it's hard to get things done quickly with Isamu figuring things out that we've already figured out)
When I take him to school now, he seems more open to it. But there is also the issue of: he did not choose his school, we did. There were no options provided to us, and "markets" designed for children are actually designed for adults permitting children to do things. So, especially in Japan, the market for "shopping around" for schools is really only for the super rich.
I'm trying to teach him about money and value give him more power over his life. If we're already spending money on him, perhaps we should just figure out how much money we're spending on him in various ways and let him have that money to make mistakes and discoveries on his own.
Another personal anecdote: In the video there is a guy who's like "Yeah, I do TCS, we let our daughter watch as much YouTube as she wants." And Sarah, comes back with something like, "Hmmm, well you say 'let' which means you still have a sense of power in the situation." I try to not think of myself as an authority ALLOWing Isamu to do anything, but instead GUIDING him, like a friend, through decisions. And, obviously, I have boundaries. So, that means if he hurts me, what do I do? Force him to not hurt me? So, what's the moral there: the person who has the most power to enforce is the one who defines morals? That's a slippery slope, to say the least. So, instead I will simply leave, like if one of you guys hit me I would just leave, or ask you to leave. This is far more distressing to Isamu than physical punishment (like solitary confinement, eg 'time out', which I have never and will never do). But, also, like brushing his teeth. I have shown him Junko's mouth, he knows what mouth pain is and what it will look like--but he has to make the rational decision for himself to brush his teeth. I will not hold him down and scrub, or whatever. Bribing, is something Junko has gone to, and I've been really reluctant to get on-board with, like, intuitively--but I don't have a good internal explanation for why that's totally bad in all situation right now. Need to think on it some more.
Anyway, there is SO much going against him in terms of personal free will. Especially in Japan. Almost every aspect of life here is driven by behavior, memes, and not explanations. It's, from ancient times through to today, a culture of loyalty, protocol, discipline, obedience and respect for authority.
What are your guys' thoughts on this?